All women who are dating need to learn how to use the bus. It’s one of the first, most necessary lessons of dating.
And no, I don’t mean TAKE the bus. I mean USE the bus.
You see, we all have those guys who we SHOULD NOT speak to. Under any circumstances.
Maybe he was too much of a bad boy, maybe we broke up for a very good reason and we need it to stick, maybe he was married or jerky or his third nipple weirded us out.
But we keep “forgetting” (usually with the help of alcohol or self loathing) that he needs to be gone for good.
This is where the bus comes in:
The “Bus” moniker was selected after a particularly nasty breakup and I was fantasizing about Mr. Meanie getting mowed down by a bus in a crosswalk. Now I’ve spread it so far and wide in the world , they made a someecard about it. (see above)
When it’s clear that it’s time to “wrap it up” with a certain fellow – whether it be on the first date, the tenth year or 30 seconds after he used “u” and “peen” in a text message, I reprogram him in my phone as “Bus”.
So what happens is that I end up with a long listing of “bus” entries in my phone and some are men who I will never speak to again under any circumstances and some are men who I know I don’t have the willpower to resist. Of course when one calls, I don’t know which is which so it trains me not to answer.
And I admit, it’s almost always the ones I don’t want to speak to that do the calling.
Now I know there are many out there who would think this insensitive. It’s not. It’s dating like a guy. Men are simple creatures and when they decide to not like you anymore, they just vanish. This is why generally speaking, calling men is a bad idea. If he wants you, he’ll come find you. If you aren’t hearing from him, he’s probably hit you with a bus. And the converse is true too. If he likes you and you don’t like him back, he will never go away and he will never get the hint if you continue to lead him on by being “nice” or “friendly”. I promise, it’s not as mean as it sounds, it’s merciful for you both to just use the bus.
The bus does come with some willpower. You have to block his ability to email you (and your ability to email him), disconnect from him on social media and generally prevent the various and sundry ways to contact him to be readily available to you. This is putting in a process for women who tend to be relationship and interpersonal driven. This is actually exactly opposite of how we usually behave. AND we all know that women are really good at being crazy internet stalkers. This helps you stay out of the crazy zone – remove the temptation immediately.
Sometimes, I have bussed men who I really really like but who exhibit really poor behavior – the game players, the narcissists. I don’t tell them they are being bussed, I just “vanish”, never to reply again. This really scrambles the brains of some of them – they become suddenly and intently interested and the begging commences.
I think it’s important to really really emphasize that especially in the two instances depicted. These were bad bad boys who did very mean things (stood me up in a restaurant more than once etc.) The bus is healthy and cathartic. Both of these boys went unanswered and I can only hope it helped curb their poor, disrespectful behavior to future women.
So, if you’re doing any dating, I implore you to put in the bus process:
- When you think he isn’t a good idea anymore, he’s not a good idea anymore
- Be swift and thorough in your bussing and if you do it correctly you won’t have to be resolute
- Maybe I’ll like him if I go out with him one more time, maybe he’ll get the hint or I know I really should bus him but… are all reasons the bus should come immediately
- The bussing process is a secret – if you tell boys about it (usually when you like them), they’ll find a way to trick you out of it when it’s time to be bussed.
Good luck #dgwcs!