Tag Archives: change

Owners Manual: Identify Control Behaviors


Co dependence is a control type behavior pattern that causes difficulty in relationships with others.Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself 	 Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself By Melody Beattie

There are  many diagnostic criteria and definitions available, the purpose here is not to make a classification, but rather to highlight non-productive behaviors and help eradicate them from your life.

Want the whole story? Read Codependent No More, available in ThisLifeOnEarth Bookstore.

Below,  I reprint general patterns and characteristics as a tool to aid in self-evaluation.

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never “good enough.”
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.

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